August 31, 2005
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Broken wings.
Why is it that I collect broken wings? All those poor lives that are beyond help, that have no friends, that are alone.
I have been doing it, as long as I can remember.
My head snaps around, when the next “hopeless case” shows on the horizon.
Three-legged cats, one-winged birds, runts of the litter, and easter ducklings that never should have made it out of the egg.
So many of them have taken human form.
The unemployable. The chronically depressed. The socially repressed. The über-geeks. The 40-year old virgins. The “damaged beyond repair.”
Humans of whom others have advised “Stay the fork away from her! She’s a certifyable basket case who’ll cause you nothing but a heap of anguish. She has never kept a friend longer than three weeks!”
I read sites around Xangaland, and find myself drawn to those who share their tales of horrible pain and suffering. Told from the heart.
In a sense, it’s rude and narrow-minded of me, as I rarely give the “Bob & Suzy Sunshine’s” of the world a second glance.
This afternoon, I found myself at the grocery, with 100′s of people. The one person who caught my attention out of a sea of humanity was an attractive 40-ish blonde woman, tired-looking and red-eyed, like she had cried many tears in recent times.
It is not exactly clear to me, what it says about me. The edge of truth suggests a belief that if only I can heal enough wounds of others, I might be able to heal my own wounds, by extension.
Someone once suggested that I should have been a therapist. Or a priest. Yet neither of those appeal to me, very much. Some part of me “knows” that those professions are not my calling. Yet I put myself in positions to “mop up,” time after time after time.
But I ponder that, and what it means on a deeper level. When I look within, I have already gone through so much of the healing work, on myself. And I find that the perpetual proximity of people caught in tragedy and suffering is a drain that often leaves me feeling drained and hopeless. It would be a misstatement to say that I choose this way because it makes me “feel good.”
Which leaves the possibility that I am either just “stuck in a pattern” that is no longer real, or there are wounds I have not yet managed to dig out from the depths of my innerself. Maybe it’s some of each.
And what lies beneath that?
Well, perhaps the deal is this: That what I really want are to be among people who have been on this journey, and have sat in the fires of their personal hell, have experienced and processed them fully, and have emerged on the other side– perhaps scarred, but “getting” what their journey was about. However, I haven’t yet figured out how to stick with those who have “emerged,” rather than those who are “mired down.”
Not sure what this little exploration is even about. Pay no attention to me; I am not saying anything of any great value here.
Comments (19)
You’re saying things of great value, especially for other caregiver personalities…..caregivers notice those that others don’t, caregivers want to help others, it seems to help the caregiver grow as a person, and spiritually, though that also gives a neon sign to people who are users….its still a type of calling……and yeah, I’m a caregiver, which is why I chose to be a teacher….but I’m phasing myself out of it….you probably understand why….’til the next
Oh, I think you are.
You always say things of great value.
Don’t forget that sometimes little Suzy Sunshine is just better at covering up her problems and may actually need your help as much as the more obviously depressed person next to her.
You’re saying far more in value than many others do! I can’t be bothered with the “Suzy and Bob Sunshines” of the world either, as I know there is really no such thing. This is just the perfect imagine of themselves they want others to think of them. We know better, though. I think being the sensitive person you are, you’re drawn to people with things which need sorting out in their lives. You’ve experienced pain on an emotional level, so understand their’s, and connect with them. The same goes for me in this regard. I prefer dealing with “real” people, who aren’t afraid, and don’t have too big an ego to admit they actually some troubles in their lives.
Excellent post!
Our weakness is our strength and in searching for a healthy balance, well, there’s the rub. To recognize the pain in others usually means–been there, know that place! Aha, indeed, familiar territory! Then comes fanning the flame of hope, coaxing out the courage to “try different”. We offer our best experience, but the rest is up to the other. We can be good cheerleaders and carry a positive message, but watch out for trying to carry the mess itself–not our job!
Life is certainly an adventure of possibilities and opportunities for growth!
Peace and patient perseverance!
There is such a deeply caring part of you, that’s what I think it is, and that’s priceless and special and noteworthy and wonderful and if more people were like you the world would be a much better place to live wouldn’t it. Don’t stop being who you are, ever. *hugs xo
I once heard that this type of collection of the downtrodden is in actuality due to a selfishness from within the helper. In many ways I think that’s true and certainly, I am very guilty of it. It does feel good to help others even if all that means is that I’ve planted seeds. In more recent times, though, I’ve come to except that sometimes the seeds planted with the best intentions are not destined to grow and not only am I not helping others, I’m hurting myself and my family. Not an easy lesson for me because I have a deep desire to be able to help even if it means putting myself “out”, but I AM learning, if only slowly.
I am the same way. And I think you are right when you say you want to be around those who have come through their personal hell; I look for people who have journied the path of all that dark part of the universe in order to create a better person. I did it, I still do it from time to time. Many times those people are the broken wings as you say because they continually reassess themselves and continually fight those dark parts of their life in order to make them stronger.
RYC: The “linkers” vs. “rankers” is very interesting and something I’m going to have to explore a bit. I personally tend to look for the similarities except that I most definitely do it on a more introspective level. You should know that you’ve caused my thoughts to go jetting off in another direction and it’s one I bet will be very educational. Thanks. Thanks a lot. *L*
Not today, but soon.
Thank you.
I always find things of value in your posts. I understand completely what you mean here too. I look for companions in those who have completed their hellish journey but I always find myself drawn to those were are still on it.
RYC: But the question becomes, when it breaks down and the person does not improve upon their situation (for whatever reason), does the “helper” end up feeling the strong sense of failure?
Perhaps you are most attracted to others who are suffering because the only alternative would be someone who is content, perhaps not fully because who ever is? But, someone who appears on the surface happy and that must frighten you to some degree? Perhaps anger or even disgust you a bit. All surface happy people aggravate those who think and see deeper down, which is what all artists and writers do. I don’t think art would mean art if it wasn’t created by a tortured soul.
So, as long as you have your outlet and thank God, I have mine, through our words, we can bring other people closer to how we see things. How we see the world and how we can hone in on the sad people.
Most folks in that same grocery store probably never even noticed the 40 something woman with the red, tired eyes. To most, she was invisible and didn’t exist. Ah, but to you and perhaps had I been there, to me. She was an entire poem or song or story or xanga post waiting to happen.
love, lisa
because they remind us of our humanity…
I don’t agree that you’re not saying anything of value!
I’m afraid I’ve been flying on one wing for most of my life … but the trick is to learn how to do that … which I think I am learning … And I think I’ve often attracted the less fortunate into my orbit … even as a child I did that sometimes. I don’t know what it means either. But I think it’s preferable (to me) to hanging out with the class bullies. In any case, I feel a lot of empathy with your take on things.
I find your comments are always very insightful and illuminating.
Hey thanks for stopping by.
Happy birthday, a bit belated! It’s funny, I started my Xanga site to talk about those very things that cause me angst, but I find I cannot…write about them. I do write occasionally about some of the things that really irk me, not personally, but on a social level. I hardly ever get any comments when I do!
The ability to see the type of people you do… is a gift.
Use it wisely shipmate!
Sail on… sail on!!!
Hey, I always appreciate your input.