May 15, 2008
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Setbacks, and what we do with them
It has always fascinated me how differently people deal with setbacks.
Take writers, for example. Actually, take two people who are equally good at writing, but who are not yet “writers,” in the published sense of the world. Both send in their equally good manuscripts, and both get back a rejection slip.
For one, it is the end of their writing “career,” as the rejection slip represents a blatant and obvious public declaration that they are no good, as a writer. For the other, the rejection slip results in a “bummer, dude,” after which the manuscript goes off to another publisher. Or forty-two. Eventually, they become published.
In short, the latter becomes “a writer,” the former does not.
And yet… they are equally talented, and where their paths take them has little to do with writing skills, and everything to do with their approach to life.
When I was in college, taking creative writing classes, one of the professors upset many of the “aspiring Hemingways” in the class by stating that– in most cases– what makes someone a published author is not great ideas or literary prowess, but the sticktoitiveness to churn out 100,000 words of prose and submit it over and over till someone finally publishes it.
Come to think of it, several of the “Young Hemingways” were SO upset by the professor’s words they actually dropped the class.
The question that sometimes comes to my mind is whether people sometimes become so attached to the illusion of reality that is themselves/life that they become incapable of functioning within the piece of three-dimensional space that happens to contain what many think of as “reality?”
I’ve been called a pessimist, and a “glass-half-empty-guy,” because I figure it’s pretty much a given that life is going to kick my arse, pretty much all the time. In between, there will be “sunbreaks.” But… if I work hard, and play my cards well, I might be able to create some pretty decent shyte for myself, in spite of it all. I recognize that life is pretty tough, but I seldom get depressed over it.
Seems a lot of life is more about “expectations,” and how we deal with them being met/not met, than about the actual situations and content we face. And it seems much harder for those who “expect” to succeed at something, and then suffer a setback, than it does for those who think there’s a chance they might succeed. Note that I didn’t include those who “expect to fail,” as I believe you can alsmo create that reality, through your approach. And I recognize that it’s all in “the approach.”
Once again, I have been reminded of the value of “the middle way.”
Comments (9)
I don’t see any difference between half empty and half full. For me the glass is there to be filled up and drained, again and again. No expectations = no disappointments.
That people would drop a class because the prof was honest with them… well, it figures, I suppose. I know lots of people would rather hear some sweet and comforting nonsense than the unvarnished truth.
I have found that my original idea changes many times until it becomes a finished product then with persistance it comes into the material world. We need to remember that it is all illusion and that we are only practicing experiencing joy anyway. Judi
How you doing? Do you love living where you are? I love that part of the country. Judi
I love that part of the country. I used to spend a lot of time up there. Judi
I think some of these are reasons that I never tried that hard in music as a business. It is my greatest passion but some mix of fear of rejection, being afraid that what I did wouldn’t matter, and a simple loathing of the leech that is its industry that stopped me from giving it a good pursuit. I know I’m better or equal to many that get popular, as is the case of any artist, yet something stops me. I’ve never read your blog before but judging from this it sounds like you have a history of being the struggling author. I hope your endeavors end up serving you as much as I’m guessing you’ve served them.
It’s almost like you’re talking about me! *laughs* I take the middle way, too. I know so many talented individuals afraid of rejection. I use to be that way, but it is a matter of just getting over that hump. No, I don’t pretend it’s easy but neither is any changing of one’s perceptions.
Good thinking. Sidney Sheldon sent his first novel to 72 publishers before it was chosen. Now that, m’dear, is sticking to it. I’d have probably stopped at 70:) The book became a best seller as have all of his since.
I don’t like rejection letters but I keep plugging away, and sometimes it doesn’t matter at all.
Have you read “A New Earth?”
“The middle way”… That is probably the way to go about it, because I find that trying too hard is equally bound to result in failure as the fear of failing. But the only way that middle way can be found, in my experience, is to hit the walls of both extremes, and so, through trial and error, find out where the next step has to be made. And the word “sticktoitiveness”, is what I’ll take from here, for the next time I bump into a wall…