Funny thing, to read that last entry.

First of all, rumours of my untimely demise are greatly exaggerated.

Second, the Universe does know… although the shyte that comes down the pike doesn’t always take the form of what we expect. And yet, it’s precisely what is needed.

At some point, I started referring to certain events happening in sequence as the “Cascade Effect.” It’s a bit like the “Butterfly Effect,” only different.

Frequently, the Cascade Effect centers around a large series of negative and traumatic events adding up to a brilliant and wonderful outcome. In some way, a sequence of improbable and unpleasant events, occurring not just here, and not just to me… may actually turn out to be really wonderful for all involved. Last time this happened, I reinvented myself, going from stressful mainstream work through divorce, bankruptcy, suicidal times and depression to come out as a “truer” version of myself.

As for my absence, from these pages, and from a lot of people’s lives… well, that’s a really long story.

It’s a story of “long stories,” consequences, growing up, taking responsibility, finding the Middle Way and Cosmic Love that transcends all.

And something to do with needing to get really, really lost before you recognize that you are actually found.

For the moment…. peace, out.

Little voices inside my head keep screaming “I’ve gotta get caught up, I’ve gotta get caught up!” They have been rather insistent, recently– and to some degree they may be a reflection of the fact that I have been more of a slacker than usual, in recent weeks. Or has it been months? Not sure.

Anyway…

I was reflecting this morning (It IS Sunday, after all) on how the Universe seems to know what’s needed, even when I am clueless. In this case, I was thinking about it, on a “greater” scale. And I was thinking about it in that context where we just “know” something is right– or is going to happen– even though it seems wildly illogical and counterindicative at the time. In fact, we may be going in one direction, in pursuit of something we really want, and the Universe sends something our way that knocks us in the completely opposite direction. We get all dazed and confused, and feel like all is lost. And then, years down the road, everything turns out precisely as it is supposed to… and our retrospective insights show us that both the steps in the right AND wrong direction were precisely what was needed, and essential to the process of getting “here.”

Sounds pretty cryptic, huh?

A couple of examples, then.

I knew I wanted to move from Texas to the Seattle area as early as the late 1980′s, and yet I didn’t actually move until 2006. A whole bunch of things “came up,” to keep me anchored and unable to move. And it was the most annoying and frustrating thing in the world. And yet… as a friend of mine is fond of saying: “Wherever you go, you bring yourself along. So you’d better make sure the ‘yourself’ you’re bringing along is one you like.” All those years of delay helped me get rid of a bunch of baggage I wouldn’t have wanted to bring with me. The Universe knew…

I wanted to be a writer. But instead I got a degree in Finance. I worked in the business world– specifically in sales, marketing and advertising fields. I felt like a misfit, and it seemed like my world was just a waste of time. I got out of those fields, and spent several years roaming around, basically believing that I had wasted 20 years of my life, working at something “useless.” Now, I am coming to see that it is precisely all those marketing and networking skills that’s allowing me to sustain my odd home businesses… because I know how to “put myself out there” in front of others. And all those years of “futzing around” on the Internet… has actually provided me with an ocean of “touch points” that makes it all much easier than most people would experience. The Universe knew….

Maybe many of our downfalls come because we try to force things to happen before we are ready. I have certainly been given that impression, more than a few times. Maybe it’s true that patience IS a virtue. We tend to run, because we think we’ll end up dying before we get “it” all done.

I try to remind myself– as I reach for the next thing I completely “know” is going to happen– that even though there are obstacles that would put any sane person off… ultimately, the Universe knows….

Warning: Unless you’re at least part nerd, this will probably bore you to tears.

Some of you may have noticed that “things” are starting to appear in the right column of this page.

For lack of a better expression, I suppose I’d say that it’s part of my efforts to “go global” with various aspects of my writing. Of course, everything on the 3xdubya is “global,” but a large part of having an impact (and ultimately, making a living) as a writer on the web has to do with “visibility.” Personally, I’ve never been much for the self-marketing gig– I find it the least appealing part of the writing life. It’s odd to hear myself say that, given that I used to work in industries related to sales, marketing and advertising.

Many of those of us who write online started “in print.” Writing online was “coincidental,” in some way. It was certainly not ever perceived as a commercial opportunity. At least this seems true for those who have been doing this “virtual life” thing for a long time.

As best my memory serves me, I started my life on the Internet as a number on (then) state-of-art Internet service provider CompuServe in 1993, or maybe it was 1994.

Well…

That’s not entirely true. When I was in college (early 80′s) my friend Sam Jones had a Tandy TRS-80 (fondly known as the “Trash 80″) home computer, a dial-up modem and was part of something known as MicroNet which was akin to the ham radio version of early Internet communications. At a later date, he even ended up as a “SysOp” on a BBS system. (Give yourself 10 bonus points for knowing what a BBS is, 25 points for knowing what a SysOp is, and 100 points if you remember MicroNet)

But I’m digressing into a rabbit hole of deep nerddom.

Compuserve seemed like “state of the art,” at the time. People were identified by their IDs which were something like “45628.7601.” Very exciting, I know.

From a techno-anthropoligical standpoint, I believe the primary reason most people who started accessing the web during those years are so comfortable with the idea of communicating with “strangers” online is that what we had back then was primarily FORUMS. “Web sites” were a relative rarity, reserved for corporate giants like Sony, IBM or RCA. What we “did” online was participate interest group discussions based around some common interest. I belonged to forums for people who played golf, collected stamps, were interested in fountain pens, studied Jungian psychology, and so forth. Mostly we marveled at the fact that we suddenly had 24/7 access, from our living rooms, to group activities that previously required joining clubs, extensive travel and planning, if they were even possible.

To this day, I continue to be part of a lot of different web forums, although I really do like the flexibility of the blogging format.

Odd trivia: Although most people have probably not even heard of CompuServe, because they have long since been “absorbed” by other services, the fact that you folks can format your blog fonts with colors and sizes, as well use smileys, originally came from early CS features.

Denmarkguy was “born” on July 20th, 1995. Some people change usernames as often as the weather; this one has stuck ever since. There’s no great “plan” or “romance” behind the name… I’d gotten tired of being “a number” on CompuServe and AOL had the one thing most other aspiring Internet services didn’t: A usability department; those nerds who spend their lives getting your computer experience to intuitively “make sense” rather than be a mystery. So I changed services, and came up with the current alias because I needed a 10-letter username that wasn’t my name. I’m from Denmark. I’m a guy. Big whoop.

My first blog was called “Shades of Grey” and started in 1999. It wasn’t even a blog– I actually went to the trouble of updating and archiving the front page stories on a static web site, every few days. It was the biggest mess, and the biggest pain in the rear you can imagine.

Anyways, even though I categorically refuse to make New Year’s resolutions, I have been a rather busy bee for the past few weeks, as part of “tidying up” the extensive trail of “bread crumbs” I have left behind on the whirled wide web. They weren’t originally there because of my love of writing, but their “old” purpose has been served and it occurred to me that I might be able to do something more useful with them.

As many of you know, I have long been rather active in the worldwide “community” of HSPs, and much of my writing also happens to be on that particular topic. In general, 90% of my writing is non-fiction– I’m possibly the world’s most inept poet, and I have gradually come to agree with my college creative writing professor who joked that I was “technically adept at creating the world’s most boring characters.” So I guess I’m going to stick with the non-fiction angle.

This past week, I have been giving my oldest blog– HSP Notes– a bit of a face lift and update; If you happen to be an HSP, or just curious about what else I write, do stop by and give me a shout. Well. Leave a comment, or subscribe, or something. Whatever. Anyway, that blog is just a tiny corner of the writing I am trying to bring together into a more cohesive whole. I have more than 40 articles on various topics in psychology and metaphysics, and an almost equal number on various aspects of HSP life.

And that’s ultimately why “things” have started to appear in the right-hand column. Feel free to click on them and see what happens… maybe you’re a bit like me and have actually been using some of these services and aggregators for a while to find stuff, without wondering how that “stuff” was made available to you, in the first place. Of course, I’m supposed to be working, and instead I end up surfing around social bookmarking sites, looking at what others are writing…

Ain’t life grand?

And so, we reach the end of another year. As is the case when we close out something we have been a part of, leaving a room also means we step through the doorway to something new.

“Dates” and “time,” of course, are artificial constructs… “markers” we have created to delineate one thing from another. I don’t make new year’s resolutions, as I see little point in (a) waiting to start some plan at the beginning of the year and (b) setting myself up to fail at something by resolving to “do it” at a time that’s not necessarily the right time. Timing, as they say, is everything.

2007 had its ups and downs– for me, more ups than downs. In no particular order…

I “fell into place” in my new surroundings in western Washington. I have come to accept that the Power of Place is something incredibly powerful and important. In some way NOT related to houses, family or jobs, I “found home” in this old small town. That’s a spiritual– or “soul”– statement, as much as anything.

I had the first full year since 1985 in which I wasn’t existing at a dead run to merely keep myself afloat. I guess that could be rephrased to add that the “cost of living” in 2007 was more than 50% lower than most recent years. Cost of housing down by 55%, cost of utilities down by 75%, yadda, yadda. I still have work to do, in that area.

I reached a state of having less emotional and physical clutter in my life– let’s hear it for voluntary simplicity.

It was also a year of meeting people… somewhat unusual for this introvert that I am. One friend who’s (as far as I can tell) my second “oldest” cyberspace connection; four fellow xangans– CanadianBear, S2Know, sprolee and WildernessLiving– who were part of an amazing retreat in Colorado where I spent almost a week with the single largest group of long-time friends from around the country… all gathered in one place. A bit like a family reunion, except that everyone really wanted to be there.

I somewhat restructured how I make a living– and found myself suddenly realizing that I am 47 years old, and basically “play with my childhood hobbies,” for a living. That’s an area for additional fine tuning, during 2008. I am going to be writing more, during the year ahead.

Things that did not happen… I didn’t go to Europe to see family; primarily because I “selfishly” spent the money on things I wanted to do, rather than “obligations.”

There were some ways in which I had hoped to reduce my personal infrastructure, but managed to procrastinate my way out of them.

There was someone I had hoped to see, but the time was never quite right… but we’ll be meeting this spring, instead. It’s something that has been a long time coming… but I can’t really expand on it, at this time.

As many of you know, there’s another part of my life, in which I am involved in some web communities. I don’t mention it much here… so for the record, I manage/moderate/own/co-own a total of 18 groups with a total of total of some 6,500 members, all of them relating to various aspects of “life as an HSP.” I was planning to start a couple of local/regional support groups this fall, but never found the time… so that spills over into the early parts of 2008. Sometimes I have to face that I can’t be everything, to everyone, all the time.

It’s my main ambition for 2008 to get my 2007 taxes done, paid and sent in without an extension. I’m notorious for not even starting until the eve of the due date of the last allowable extension.

Don’t hold your breath. You might turn blue.

As I said, I am going to write more. And more than “just blogs.” I have been trying to network everything together into a single “hub.” I have writing in more places than I care to think of… and more blogs than a human being should be allowed to have. They originally served a different purpose, and largely went dormant when a certain event passed… now I am restructuring them as a network of launchpoints for my writing.

And so… that’s about it, for now. Port Townsend is a quiet, sleepy little place, on New Year’s eve. Unlike where I lived in Texas– where the night was filled with the snap, crackle, pop of fireworks– the night here is silent, dark and cold, with a few stars showing. I’m going to go outside and look at them… and perhaps, just perhaps, I will spot a shooting star, and make a wish.

But then again, maybe I’ll just make a wish, regardless.

Wherever you may be, I wish you much love and a very Happy 2008!

I don’t typically use this platform to “promote” or otherwise endorse people or products, but every now and then something crosses my path that I see as having the potential to significantly improve or positively affect the lives of people I care about; people who are members of “my tribe” of fellow HSPs, empaths and other gentle souls.

Many HSPs (and other folks, for that matter) have skin sensitivities and many have experienced the irritation of “scratchy labels” and uncomfortable clothing. Some of you are parents with sensitive or “fussy” kids– and perhaps struggle to find clothing they are happy wearing. This may be especially true if your child is autistic. Perhaps you have also have found it difficult to find comfortable clothing for yourself.

This morning, I got a note from an acquaintance who not only has an idealistic spirit, but also something else. She has an idea for a fledgling business which I realized could be of considerable positive impact for many people, but especially HSPs: She is designing and starting a line of “soft clothing” specifically for people with sensitive skin. Although her intended niche market (at least to begin with) is children with Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, and a range of skin sensitivities, this is also a series of products that would appeal directly to many others, and might eventually include lines for adults, as well.

As I read her idea, I was reminded of how “fussy” I was about clothing, as a kid. I “made” my mom cut all the labels out of my shirts, pitching “fits” when something felt scratchy. Of course, she complied only under duress, but still.

The reason I am writing this is not because I am asking anyone to go BUY something; goodness knows, we’ve just had the “expensive season.” Jessica (whose idea this is) is actually part of a “seed money contest” sponsored by Advanta Banking Services. In The New American Idol Fashion of our times, the idea with the most “thumbs up” votes wins the start-up capital for their idea.

We often talk about how it’s “part of being an HSP” to be idealistic and to want to change the world, and to make a difference.

Here’s an opportunity to do just that.

This is very short notice, I realize– the current contest ends at midnight on December 31st, so you need to act NOW.

If you believe this sounds like a “worthy” idea, please take a couple of minutes to follow the link below and cast your vote for Jessica’s idea to become a reality:

Cast your vote!

The site will ask you to register before you can vote, which will take you all of 30 seconds. If you feel like adding an encouraging comment to her entry page as well, that would probably be appreciated, too.

To see Jessica’s web site, and more about “Soft Clothing,” go here (it’s still a bit “rough”):

http://www.softclothing.net/

Please take a moment to make a difference for someone’s home-grown idea. Consider it a vote for something that’s the exact OPPOSITE of Wal-Mart.

(we now return to our regularly scheduled programming)

Technorati Profile

Just for verification purposes.

There are many things in life that it appears we are encouraged to do. And yet… it seems like those very same things are set up in a manner so complicated that we really don’t end up doing them. Or, at least, we’re almost doomed to failure from the start.

Take something as ordinary as rebates. “Buy this new laptop, only $799.99 after rebates.” First of all, it’s a small nightmare to even find out what the rebates are for, and about. They are not kidding, when they say rebateS. There’s probably four or five of them. But there’s a catch– because some of the things you’re getting a rebate on was pre-installed as “original equipment,” you don’t actually have the box with the proof-of-purchase barcode.

Besides, which barcode is it you’re supposed to send in? Sending the wrong barcode may disqualify your claim. You might think the UPC code they scan at the checkout and “proof of purchase” is the same thing, but you’d be quite wrong. At last in some cases, not valid in all states, some restrictions apply, void where prohibited….

The industry term for abandoned or unused rebates is known in marketing as “breakage” and is estimated to account for as much as 50-60% of the business volume actually qualifies for rebates. Interestingly enough, far few people lose out on rebates that expire the day after you purchased the item… it’s generally the ones that can be sent in for another 90 days that people forget about. You look at the rebate form, and it says “must be mailed in by February 28, 2008″ so you set it aside… until you run around frantically looking for your proof of purchase and receipt on February 27th.

Some things are far more subtle than rebates. Weight loss, for example. Weight loss??? You bet. On paper, it’s pretty simple– you eat less and work out more. But the task is made much harder by the surrounding meta messages from the environment. You’re “suffering,” because you’re on a diet. Your friends subtly sabotage you by repeatedly reminding you about how you “can’t have” all the things they have when they go to lunch. Some of the ones with a weight issue of their own may even actively sabotage you, in order to feel better about their own failed weight loss attempts.

I can even be applied to an issue such as self-actualization. On paper, it is seen as a really “good” thing. And yet… if you actually pause to contemplate the deeper meaning of your life, you’re immediately labelled as having a (mid-life) “crisis.” If you get ideas from a teacher, people start telling you that you’re becoming involved in a cult. Even the teachers, themselves, may end up discouraging you from moving on… after all, they no longer can sell you $199.99 DVD sets if you “graduate” from their teachings.

There was a point to all of this, when I started writing… but I forget, now. Oh… the holidays are coming up. If you’re buying something with a rebate, gather all the information NOW, and keep it in a handy place… and then mail it in as soon as you know they person you’re giving the gift to is going to keep it. Oh. And make copies of all the stuff you mail… I have had to “re-claim” at least a couple of rebates, over the past five years.

Both Saturday and Sunday, an occasional snow flurry came through this little corner of the Pacific Northwest. Nothing sensational about that, in and of itself. Let’s face it, we’re pretty far north. Because this town is basically in Washington’s “Banana Belt” (Yes, there really IS such a thing) we had nothing like the 8″ of rain that fell in Bremerton, just 40 miles away… and otherwise made national news headlines.

Photos: top right– view of the Port of Seattle from Pike Place Market; center left– Christmas lights at the Seattle Center; bottom right– the Space Needle juxtaposed with a traditional coastal tribes totem pole.

In the course of writing words here for the past four years or so, there have been a number of “abandoned thoughts” scattered through these pages. You probably have some, too… those posts that once seemed like a great idea, but ended up “eternally private” because they were never finished, yet too good to just scrap. Or, as it often happens for me, I am cooking along with a great train of thought… and then I am disturbed, so I save… and never feel able to pick up the trail again.

Then again, maybe other people have more functional brains than I do…

Due to my current lack of creative thought, I figgered I might as well plagiarize myself. Or something like it.

So, do people only write well when they are sad, angry, depressed, insane, mentally disturbed, in chaos, in transition, in pain….?

There’s an old (and possibly true) myth that great creativity, artistic expression and brilliance arises from pain and suffering. We read of “the tormented artist,” and watch people like Vincent van Gogh chop his ear off while creating the masterpieces of his life. Poets are often overwrought and heartbroken when they come up with the most amazing love poems known to humankind. Painters are suicidal and dark.

Some years ago I had an art gallery/gift store, and spent a fair amount of time meeting with and getting to know artists from many fields. I particularly remember a pair of Swedish glass blowers– and they created some really wonderful things– who lived by the idea that “we want to express the joy we feel while creating our art.”

Nobody took them seriously… even though their work was excellent. Jerker eventually went back to being an advertising executive, and whereas Richard did continue blowing glass, he never really got very far beyond the “local” stage.

I have been looking back over some of my own writing, recently. Personally, I find the stuff I wrote during the dark periods of my life to be… well… rather dark. I really used to moan and groan a lot. And whatever audience I might have had seemed to really like it. Which brings me to the thought that perhaps it’s all a matter of what people are looking for. Maybe it’s the old “misery loves company” complex. So many folks are in a place of pain suffering that they simply don’t want to hear about pink fluffy clouds.

Of course, I have often been quite critical of pink fluffy clouds, possibly because I have never lived anywhere that had any. But that’s neither here, nor there.

This got me to thinking about how different people have different emotions that are “easy” and “difficult” for them to deal with. For example, I deal with sadness rather easily… but I also know people who will go to great lengths to “distract” themselves in order to avoid feeling sadness… right down to the point of “substituting” another emotion. Conversely, I find anger a very difficult emotion to deal with. It’s not that I don’t– or can’t– deal with it, it just takes a lot more effort than sadness, pain, fear or something else. It makes me an odd duck, in some ways… if someone steals my favorite CD, I don’t feel angry about it, rather, I feel sad that I no longer have the music.

Clearly, I have some kind of learning there… as I have periodically contemplated the reasons why my life has often been rather full of “angry people.” I don’t like people with “anger management issues,” and yet they show up at my doorstep, all the time. I was watching the latest episode of “Pushing Daisies” last night, and rather deeply related to the Piemaker; I have never (for example) seen the point of retaliation and revenge. Hurting someone because they hurt me doesn’t make me “feel good.” I’m not denying that maybe it does for others, but it doesn’t, for me. And yet, it often seems to offend (at least some) people that I will just “walk away” rather than “go to war.” It’s a bit like that metaphorical question “What’s the sound of one hand clapping?” For me it’s “What’s the sound of one person having a fight?” That’s not to imply that I don’t have boundaries, and won’t stand up for what I believe in… but I am just going to “take it somewhere else,” rather than argue with people over it.

I have been asked how I can possibly “win at life” with that attitude. Which tends to lead to a whole new set of mumbo-jumbo, because I’m not sure what it is I have to “win.” I like to “be” and to “exist” and to “interact” and “connect….” and the whole “more than, better than, bigger than” paradigm is somewhat irrelevant to my life.

Which, perhaps, explains why much of my life has been about “scraping by,” rather outside the expected norms.

It does make me sad that living by the ideal of simply “being” in a way that feels intuitively right means that a person ends up on the fringes of society. Or, possibly, what really makes me feel sad is the realization that my “fringe dwelling” ways are often at the core of what a billion-dollar self-help industry teaches about inner peace and contentment.

And maybe THAT is the core paradox of the human condition: There are lots of things we want, but we don’t actually live those desires.

I don’t talk much about this stuff, because I worry about sounding intolerant… as intolerant as those who want me to be “something other than” what I am. I don’t feel intolerant. I merely feel puzzled, mystified.

Time ticks on by. Daylight savings time has ended, it became fall, Thanksgiving came and went, and now it’s almost winter. Not 40 miles from here snow is falling… and I’m not talking about “at altitude” in the Cascades, I am talking about sea level, in Bremerton. Outside my window the windchimes thrash around in a harsh wind and occasional raindrops beat against the window.

I
suppose everyone does check out, to some degree, in response to stress, sadness,
anger or some other overwhelming feeling. After all, even the classic
“counting to 10” could be seen as a form of checking out, if you think
about it.

I
recognize that part (at least) of this tendency has to do with my being
an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), meaning that my nervous system simply
gets overloaded. But whereas understanding the underlying physiology is helpful, it doesn’t really address the issue,
itself. I expect my disappearances probably also a response to my being the
introvert that I am, and yet being able to “extravert myself” to be
very much in the world for some time… at the end of which I feel
thoroughly exhausted. It’s complicated, and confounding… especially for
those around me.

I’m rambling…

People sure do have interesting attitudes towards what I think of as “the invisible world.” By that, I mean the world of intuition, hunches, and “seeing” things that appear to be invisible to most people. It has always amused me how many people are both fascinated with– and scornful of– psychics and intuitives, all the the same time. In some ways, it has puzzled me how people can be doubtful of my sanity, after I have shared certain things I have “perceived” in the world. The amusing part is that they seldom seem to be too concerned about my actual mental health, being instead far more concerned about maintaining their own reality in which “it isn’t so.” Whatever “it” may be.

Oh well.