April 9, 2005
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Does this ever happen to you?
Sometimes I come across “triggers” that activate some memory, which in turn gets me to pondering some little (and probably inconseqiential) point… which slowly grows into something as persistent and bothersome as a tiny pebble in your shoe while you’re out running.
I was looking through a box of photos, looking for some older snapshots to use for another installment of this “life story” thingy I took it upon myself to start, a few days ago. I came across a series of photos of a group of people at my mom and stepdad’s house, taken (by me) around the time I was about 18 or 19. I remember these people, but especially a couple of 60-something women who just thought I was “the bees knees;” to such a degree they were often trying to “pair me up” with an assortment of granddaughters and other young women, often under the generic heading of “This is the kind of young man I wish my granddaughter would get together with.”
I don’t remember thinking much of this– one way or the other– at the time. Having lived my youth in a place where female company my own age was scarce to non-existent, I thought it was actually kind of cool, even though none of the matchmaking attempts were even remotely successful. I’t the principle of the thing, you know, if the ‘rents are setting you up, you’re almost obligated to not like the person…
The problem, of course, is that I tend to “think too much.” Shoot me… I guess I’m just wired that way….
As I was sitting here remembering the “feeling” of those days and recalling the personalities of those two women in th phot, I noticed something weird. Or dichotomous. Or disturbing. Or at least something that has left me with an odd “aftertaste” in my mouth. Well… at least something that goes in the “things that make you go hmmmm” file.
I got to thinking about all the occasions on which I have been “set up” with someone, going all the way back to those late teen years, coming all the way back up to modern times. There have been more than a few; ranging from mothers concerned about their daughters, to the “you’ll make someone a wonderful husband,” to the “I wish so-and-so would find someone like you.” No, I’m not trying to flatter myself here. I’m digging up a weird pattern. It’s what I do, look for patterns– call it a “hobby,” if you will. Some people collect bottle caps, or dryer lint– I collect patterns.
The thing that’s giving me the “strange aftertaste” is that I cannot think of a single time in my life, where the kind words, flattery and admiration leading to a “set up” didn’t come from someone at least 20-25 years my senior. Stated differently, I have never been introduced to someone’s sister, or or a friend… it has always been by someone my parents’ generation, or even older. Which opens a window for my superego to start chattering…. for all these years, have I been “charming” in the eyes of old people, but a “dorkwad” in the eyes of my peers? Am I missing something really fundamental about myself, and who I am?
Or am I merely making an incident out of coincidence?
As I said, I think too much.
Comments (16)
Maybe so, interesting thoughts nonetheless. I find the older generation politer, more chivalrous, straighter. They seem better mannered. Younger (bear in mind I have no idea how old you are) people don’t seem to match make as much either. Then too, some women are attracted to bad boys or younger men, or jocks, or….whatever. Rarely do we want what our elders want for us either, hence the matches didn’t succeed. Which group would be most attracted to you?
I’m a new reader so I won’t be much help here. I really like the way you think and write, though, and just added you to my protected list. I don’t know how interested you’ll be in the subject matter but I value your opinion. I’m going to stay protected until I finish this series I’m working on.
I agree with Wissh. The older generation is almost the opposite of the younger one. The younger one rebeling against what they see the older generation representing. I think “old-fashioned” would be better than dorkwad! =P
I think it’s just that the “older generation” has wisdom from maturity and I also think you are older than your years. You are very wise yourself.
You are what you believe yourself to be. What do you want to be?
“Have I been “charming” in the eyes of old people, but a “dorkwad” in the eyes of my peers? Am I missing something really fundamental about myself, and who I am?”
I suggest; you are charming in the eyes of the old because they recognize wisdom. You are looked at by your peers with a critical, even fearful eye, because they can not understand how one can be so wise in the ways of the world, and yet be so young. When asking the question, “Am I missing something about myself?” means that you are searching for life’s answers when most don’t even know to ask the question.
You ask who you are.
I ask, who are you not?
Sail on… sail on!!!
It’s awesome to find another Xangan with an intelligent mind. Please keep thinking, as I find your voice very enjoyable and smart.
…because older folks could see the man you are and will become, whereas the younger folks can’t see your value. C’mon you know how we women are when we are younger. Many of us shallow types want bad-boys when we are younger. You don’t strike me as a bad boy at all, too stable, too instropective and too considerate…
In a way it’s weither you want your own life or a life that is in the mirror of others. There is no shame, no lack of heart that makes you want to be a mirror of others, that is the empathic way, but at the end of the day do you find yourself wanting that extra bit of freedom?
But as I said there’s a lot to be said about us older people, we’ve been there, done that, we have the wisdom whilst people of your age may more likely want you to be like them.
Well, look at it this way, here I am, and no-one that I can think of has ever set me up on a date, older or same age. Now what does that say? So the older folks can see how wonderful you are – that’s pretty much of a compliment in itself.
Though like being married all your life (RYC)? Hmmn, it was one of the ways it was presented in the movie, not really my position. I was married for 15 yrs & sex was ok throughout. Just other stuff wasn’t. Though I have been alone for a number of years now, the thing is, while I feel guilty about it, I’m not looking.
Where was this all going?
I love my solitary world and don’t want to share, maybe that’s it. Or maybe it’s cause my kids are so much damned work that there’s not much left over. Or cause I think they’d drive someone else nuts. Or that I just haven’t met the “next” man of my life yet. Who knows?
Everytime I start thinking about dating I get lazy thinking about all the effort it would take to find the ‘right’ person, educated, a certain age, creative, interested in a woman his own age, etc. etc. and then I go meditate for awhile, make pizza on our still new pizza stone and forget about it.
I’m watching the Bleep movie tonight – it finally came in. Maybe that’ll help sort some of this out?
On the other hand, doesn’t seem to be a problem either.
So, with you, maybe it isn’t, and maybe the right person for this time in your life is just around the corner, someone who’ll give you lots of leeway to be the solitary thinker/writer that you often are while also ‘being together.’
Or something like that.
xo
there are lots of things that my elders have said about me that have never been said to me by my peers. i remember overhearing my grandmother, mother and aunts talking about me and my female cousins. i heard my name followed by the phrase “stunningly beautiful.” me? over the years since, i’ve heard people my parents age and older tell me i’m stunning, i’m gorgeous, i’m beautiful. i’ve even heard some of the inlaws, who don’t like me at all, say the same thing. but guys my own age? or my girlfriends? i may as well be jo-jo the dogfaced boy.
i think that different generations have different standards, ideas, etc. you have qualities that fit into their standards, but not necessarily qualities that match what the people of our generation are looking for.
I think their intentions were good…and, hell, they’d probably have introduced you to the others of them, had they been nearer you age.
I think it’s all fine flattery. And it’s not like it was part of your destiny to be matched up by any of them, so I’d just take it as a compliment and not make too much out of it. Especially if it has you wondering “what’s wrong with me?”
Peace and Love…GFW
Like everyone else is saying, I had the same thought: with age comes wisdom.
Ah, yes – this has happened to me, but not with such a marked pattern…I’m thinking there is something about you that appeals to an ideal they hold – not a bad thing at all.
Nice to meet you.
Oh sure, it happens to me all the time.
I going to echo what dreadpirate (God help me) said except the last two lines and what NickyJett said.
“I like your words, because they reveal a thinking person.” Ditto.
One of the main reasons I’m here on Xanga, aside from wanting to write and share my own thoughts, is the pure enjoyment of reading other people’s thoughts. When I find someone who “thinks too much” I usually feel some kind of connection because I am also a thinker.
Some people give me weird looks or make some kind of negative remark or joke about thinking too much. I’ve decided that I don’t care what they think about me thinking a lot. I love to think. It gives me more to write about and share.
Oh goodness, I hope nobody takes offense to what I said up there. Just thinking of the name Dread Pirate is all. From The Princess Bride. See? There I go caring what someone thinks again.