June 25, 2007
-
Good Teachers
I was at a workshop some years ago, and the Teacher was telling a story about a man who had come to a different workshop, and just went on and on with his accolades of “how wonderful it was to finally be in a group that saw the world as he did,” and how glad he was to have found a Teacher who subscribed to his point of view.
A sort of awkward silence followed.
The Teacher eventually responded “And what do you believe you will learn from someone who supports the illusions you have already taken as your own?”
The man was deeply offended.
We learn in many ways, and we travel many paths in search of “meaning.” In the process we have many Teachers, from our families to so-called “experts” and “gurus.”
But what does a “good” Teacher look like?
Whether it’s a frailty, or a psychosis, we are often drawn to those who support our perception of ourselves, and of the world. But does that make them “good” Teachers, or merely “enablers?” And where is the fine line between merely enjoying the company of like-kind minds, and being addicted to those minds reinforcing and validating a paradigm that may be toxic, or certainly less-than-healthy?
I do believe that good Teachers are compassionate, caring and understanding. That said, my best Teachers have been the ones who have been willing to tell me things I didn’t necessarily want to hear. Not in a “mean” or “judgmental” way, but in a way that allowed me to “tweak the picture” in a positive direction; letting go of attachments that weren’t necessarily good for me.
And good Teachers also seem to have in common the ability to see and understand “what is.” When we are searching, and seeking out “teachers,” there’s often an implication that something is “missing,” and we are battling some kind of “fixation” or “psychosis.” Sometimes the greatest lesson comes when someone tells us that “there is nothing wrong,” in a situation where we have worked ourselves into a frenzy over some perceived “issue.”
Some seem to believe that “shock tactics” are needed to stir people out of their comfort zones. Russian Mystic and philospher G.I. Gurdjieff (one of the original teachers of the Fourth Way philosophy) was quite famous for bullying his students into enlightenment. Perhaps that works for some, but it’s also a strategy that will sour many on even caring about self-exploration. In my opinion, there are more ways to “rattle cages” than blatantly beating on them with a metaphorical baseball bat. My best Teachers have been very quiet and unassuming people who had the ability to call their students on ingrained bullshit without being rude about it.
Maybe it’s all a matter of how we learn. Some learn from stress, some learn from anger, some learn from shame, some learn from despair… and so, the “right” Teacher isn’t one who “humours” our psychosis, but one whose style of conveying a lesson– ugly, or pretty– fits our temperament, and place in our journey.
Comments (10)
My lil guy has been a terrific teacher. He is the one that shows me how to live in the moment.
I think that as other teachers go…like the ones I actually give money to….the best ones have been able to ‘see me’, which is what I wrote something on your blog about yesterday. It’s not always the ‘good’ that they see, but they see without judgment and help me work through those difficult parts that maybe I don’t want to see or am having a hard time understanding.
1) One of my best lessons came from my closest friend. Tired, I suppose, of hearing me whine endlessly, time after time, about how I didn’t know whether to be with Bill or stay broken up, one day she finally said, rather curtly, and I might say, a little condescendingly,”Oh, WAAAHHH! Jeez Wendy, either be with him or don’t.”
It was a huge wake up call. It rattled my ego, momentarily, and I felt hurt. But then I started laughing. Because she brought the leo self-absorbed goddess down a peg…(I actually enjoy that now and then…dont’ know why…only when it’s called for though) but she impacted me greatly. From that moment on, whether I was stewing about Bill or not, I didn’t complain to friends about it. (xanga don’t count!) because I myself had been friends to the same type…on again, off again, never seeing their pattern, always sitting on the fence, and ALWAYS going on about it to me, wanting my support, agreement. Yes, he’s a dick. Yes, he’s perfect for you. Yes , he’s a dick again.
Etc.
I guess what I personally look for, in teachers, is what I call the “plain-clothed” type. Just a person who’s been through a similar situation as I am experiencing, who can offer some wisdom, point out what I perhaps am not seeing, and who do it with very little if any attachment to the outcome so they aren’t biased.
When i was in the Transition House, and the first day they handed me a book on abuse, i refused to even open it for days. I wasn’t ready. But when I DID open it…and started reading, and saw what a statistic I was…>I started talking to the councellors. And one was really hard core. She was supportive and helpful, but she didn’t bullshit me. She had BEEN there, and also saw that I wanted to hear the straight goods. It hurt to hear sometimes, because I didn’t want to believe her. But she didn’t have attachment to the outcome , if I believed her or not. She was pulling for me, but wasn’t going to do the work for me. I also saw that to her, I was one of a million that was going through this experience, and that SHE (all of the councellors, actually, could actually see what I was GOING TO DO, based on patterns, without ME being able to see it. And THAT…is valuable knowledge.
I was just going to blog on Patterns tonight, actually. Perhaps I will.
Often too I find that my best teachers , I don’t have to search out or run after for their wisdom. They see , in me, I suppose, that I am ready to learn whatever they have to offer…and so the transaction is smooth. And I, in turn, pass along my knowledge/wisdom, in similar fashion.
Great post, as always. A thinker
Appreciate You!!
~Wendy
Teacher isn’t one who “humours” our psychosis, but one whose style of conveying a lesson– ugly, or pretty– fits our temperament, and place in our journey.
Absolutely! Well said!!!
I really enjoyed this post. Very interesting observations. I certainly prefer the teachers that are kind and considerate but I admit, I don’t always hear as well as when I’ve gotten stung, so to speak.
One enlightened master says in previous lives he was far too intense of a person and frequently adversely affected folks he only wanted to help lead to their ultimate natures…. he says, progressively, he has learned to tone himself down and be approachable so that he can be of benefit to others and thus the world. I imagine those are hard lessons to learn. For me personally, the great intensity I have always known inside myself has recently taken some kind of vacation lol. I’m experiencing a diferent energy within me, which my mind wants to classify this way or that… but another part of me knows it’s not good or bad… just is. And I’m feeling so much more accepting – yet, not quite satisfied…. there is something fantastic about being passionate that I don’t think I can ever truly feel alive w/out that passion expressing through me. …. point is, there’s pros and cons to everything. A blunt teacher certainly can teach, strongly, quickly even. But like you said, s/he can also offend so deeply that the person just turns their back indefinitely.
I prefer to be the kind of teacher that speaks when the student is open, ready – not pry them open. And as a student, I prefer the kind of teacher that prys me open every so often while still gently teaching all along the way. There’s nothing better than being ripped open to sort it all back out again. It’s not a drama thing, more than it’s a let’s not waste time thing. Again, that’s prolly the intensity within myself that finds that okay.
let me add that, I do have my breaking points…. i have often been the one who stands up for something/someone, who after a certain point, will not allow injustice to continue… in those cases… I suppose I do “teach” (loose meaning there) by bluntness on occasion. I dislike dishing that out, but sometimes what’s called for in a situation takes precedence over my comfort zone with dealing with it.
Honesty and humility are indispensable qualities in a good teacher. A good teacher speaks his truth plainly, with love, and knowing that it is not about him. Life itself is a good but hard teacher if you have been taught to look at an obsolete or incorrect “road map.” The best teachers have taken what I believe and challenged the truth of it. They have also challenged my belief in what I could or could not do. Learning is sometimes very scary, very painful but always very liberating.
im a big fan of kindness, myself…
A good teacher allows the mind to wander in directions it never went before, to achieve a new and different result. My best teachers were also the kindest….well, except Sr. Virginia Pierre…my palms sweat when she came into the room…but oh, did I learn! Hugs!
I’m studying education right now, and I’m learning a lot about what it takes to be a good teacher, or even an exceptional teacher. One of my profs told me that what it takes to be effective is not just the strategies you employ, but you teach with a heart. So many teachers just teach using the brain only, but they don’t touch the students’ lives. Teaching with the heart enables the student see and learn things far beyond what he’s capable of or would even like to, and in the long run would change his life ^_^