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DenmarkGuy
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Name: Peter
Country: United States
State: Washington
Metro: Seattle
Birthday: 8/30/1960
Gender: Male
Interests: Writing, reading, nature photography, peoplewatching, web design, travel, cooking, "collecting" friends, psychology, enneagram.
Expertise: Jack of many trades, master of none.
Occupation: Computer related (Internet)
Industry: Computers (Internet)
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  denmarkguy
Yahoo:  peterinfj
Member Since:
11/24/2003
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| The Human Behind The Words |
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The site owner is a 46-year old Danish national living in the Pacific Northwest. Although he still calls himself Danish, he actually lived in Texas (25 years) longer than anywhere else. In September 2006 he finally left the physical, political and psychic climates of Texas behind and moved to a greener and cooler life in Port Townsend, Washington, where he lives close to the ocean and mountains.
He has already had his mid-life crisis, although he thinks of it more as a "mid-life epiphany." It seems that society likes to label anyone who "reinvents" themselves as "a person with a crisis." Society also thinks it's a "crisis" when someone's primary focus shifts from one of "living to please the world" to one of "living to please ourselves." At the same time, the world tells us it's "bad" to be stuck in a rut. Well, WHICH IS IT?
He has tried being married. He has experienced dysfunctionality-- up close, as well as from a distance. He has tried working in the mainstream of life. Had he been young today, he'd probably have been one of the kids school psychologists freak out over after finding condoms, a dead piranha and diskettes with bomb-making instructions in his backpack. What those "experts" wouldn't realize is that he wouldn't have been building a bomb, but learning how to disarm one, just in case.
He has tried being in business and he has tried being broke. He didn't really like either. These days he's a writer, beachcomber, business coach and consultant, psychographic trend observer, psychologist and student of-- and commentator on-- the human condition. Special interests include the psychology of marketing and economics, adult giftedness, Love, human relationships, highly sensitive people, the enneagram, nonduality, as well as general weirdness. He makes ends meet by peddling words, unsolicited advice, friendship, collectibles and other odds'n'ends.
On a daily basis, he continues to struggle with the idea that natural talent doesn't have a damn thing to do with being able to make a living. Someone once said: "Do what you love, the money will follow." He has been watching the rear-view mirror for many years, but usually the only thing he finds there are bill collectors, friends and relatives asking for help and handouts-- perhaps because he's a helper, empath and healer by nature, providing calm and rest to people in anguish and distress. He's not entirely broke, doesn't "mooch" off others, and he doesn't give a rat's patootie about "keeping up with the Joneses." He eats red meat, but has never met the Sasquatch. He loves autumn leaves, quiet rain, the ocean, mountains, mist, making out and strong coffee. He doesn't like "group think." In fact, he generally rejects it. He wears his "Creative Slacker" button with pride, and is now creating a reality that involves making a living through walking on the beach for many hours, every day. He likes cats. They like him. They have a symbiotic relationship that involves hairballs, litter boxes, photography and relaxation.
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| The Economy... stupid...I suppose one would have to be living under a rock to be unaware that "something" is going on with the global economy. There's endless hand wringing and scores of talking heads who offer "opinions" about what "ails" us all. Generally, I stay away from these discussions... for any number of reasons, including the large one that I tend to offer opinions (that later turn out unnervingly prophetic) nobody wants to hear. A sort of "Emperor's New Clothes" thing.
Don't get me wrong, it sucks to see the value of your 401-K be cut in half in a matter of months. And it sucks to have your house foreclosed on. And it sucks to be laid off from your job.
The talking heads spew words of "wisdom," 99% of which revolves around the issue of "how we get our economy back to robust growth." Normally, I'd leave this particular flaming turd alone, but I was listening to a group of so-called "experts" on CNBC, going on about how me MUST get the economy back to solid growth, and we definitely don't want to "become like Europe."
It reminded me of some... wow... 25 years ago, where I found myself arguing with one of my college marketing professors over the long-term viability of the US economy. The "argument" consisted of me saying that the US "growth paradigm economic model" would eventually have to collapse because it was based too much on "selling air." The opposing side's "case" consisted of him calling me ignorant.
It's 25 years later, and I'm listening to CNBC's Larry Kudlow talk about the importance of returning to growth, and I'm reminded of this 25-year old conversation. And I just want to SHAKE these people and ask them how the frak they think we got into this mess, in the first place. The very thing you're proposing as a "cure" is what caused the mess in the first place.
Think about what "growth" means, and carry it out to its logical conclusion. Not what it will look like in 2013, or 20 years from now... but what will it look like, 200 years from now? Prosperity? I don't think so. Think about it. If you "have to" make 5% more salary next year, that also has to "come from somewhere." That "somewhere" is the production of goods and services. But in order for the company that employs you to increase your salary by 5%, they also have to make and sell an incremental number of goods and services to afford that 5% increase... say, 5% more goods and services. But actually... that's not enough. Because the company needs to expand it's capacity by 5%, and for that purpose it has INVESTORS, also known as shareholders, or it goes to the BANK and borrows money... because, God forbid we should only expand when we have the actual cash it costs to do so. The investors expect to make more money on their investment every year (growth of stock price) or they will invest elsewhere. So the company not only has to pay YOU more, it also has to make sure the stock price keeps going up, to give the investors an increased value of their investment... and how does it DO that? Well, profits have to increase.
We don't much think about the "effect" of this, on a year to year basis. Perhaps not even on a decade-to-decade basis. But when we start counting in centuries, something dramatic happens. Guess what? The metaphorical "you" of 2008, who lives in a house and drives a car... by 2208 will need to own FIVE cars (just for you, the ONE peson) in order to support the growth-based economic system you subscribe to. You also have to own 200 pairs of sneakers, and eat nine meals a day. Because "everything" has to grow at some prescribed percentage a year.
The word "Ponzi Scheme" has been in the news, recently. It's an old term I know well, from my days long gone of writing about network marketing. The notion of "economic growth"-- at its core-- is really little more than a Ponzi Scheme. At some point it runs out of gas, because the need for "real" goods is finite, and the system starts to become increasingly dependent on "selling air." What is "air?" Well, I'm not talking about the stuff we breathe, I'm talking about "artificial" value that doesn't actually exist. Most recently, we've seen it in the real estate market. But it's elsewhere, too. I can guarantee you that your Air Jordans do not cost anywhere near $120 to make... even after several people get a "fair profit." You're getting a pair of sneakers... AND a large bag of AIR.
Yeah, yeah, I know... but if you can't play with yourself, who CAN you play with?
Not so long ago, I was looking at property... new construction... just for shits and grins, and I made a rough assessment of the cost of the land, plus the cost of the building materials, plus the cost of labor, plus the cost of a fair profit to the builder/contractor... and then compared it to the actual sales price. The former came to about $110/square foot. And yet... the houses in this development were being offered for $270/square foot, on average... the difference simply being "air," or more aptly, what an irrationally exuberant market was able to bear. However, that $160/square foot difference had no basis in anything real or concrete... as a great many homeowners and mortgage lenders are now discovering, in unison.
I look at all this, and it strikes me that very little of it is about "housing," or "mortgages," or "the economy." It's about our essential values being out of kilter. I realize this is the "land of opportunity," but our perception of what "success" means, and what we "need" to be successful... is broken. And that's why we're now in this jam.
40 pairs of designer shoes. 5000-square foot houses. $80,000 cars. Rolex watches. What exactly do you HAVE, of you have those? And why, when you do have those, the compulsion to up the shoe collection to 50 pairs, and "move up" to a 6000-square foot house? Why do people who start a company, and get to make a million dollars a year feel "driven" to get the company to where it makes two, five, ten million a year? Where is the "need" for that?
Conversely, why are we so afraid of living lives in which we are "gainfully employed" in a manner where we make a living-- we have a place to live, food, heat, and so forth. Why always bigger, bigger, bigger, more, more, more? I don't get it.
Back when I was a teenager, I lived in an area of very very wealthy retired people. I used to play golf, on occasion, with an elderly Englishman named Geoffrey. Geoffrey said to me, one day... in the course of "giving advice" to a young fledgling:
"Shrouds have no pockets."
I sincerely doubt that "fixing the economy" is going to be the answer to anything. We have to fix ourselves, first. We have to fix, within ourselves, whatever that empty space is that we've somehow become convinced we can "fill" by shoving stuff into it. We've grown obsessed with life-style, but seem to have forgotten life, itself.
I know there are people who'll be offended by this, for any number of reasons. Could be you're living in poverty and wish you just had a little more. Could be you're living well, and think it's "un-American" of me to suggest you might be happy with less. I've just been noticing, of late, how far too much of life focuses around money... have it, don't have it, want it, need it... all is about money. Maybe it's just the Holidaze, getting to me... this time of the year when so many start to "measure" their sense of self in terms of "what" and "how much" they have been given.
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| Time and.... stuffIt's funny how time just runs away from us, sometimes.
Perhaps John Lennon expressed it best: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." That famous quote doesn't even include the word "time," yet it encapsulates how things just "keep going," no matter what we're doing. And we can either be "bystanders," or "participants."
I haven't exactly given up on the idea of blogging. After all, I've been a member of the blogosphere since before there even was a blogosphere. I came to xanga five years ago (this month) because I got a very clear "message" from the Universe that I needed to be here, rather than "waste my time" on blogger, where there really was no sense of community and it was just the "wrong" place. Going into detail about what that cryptic sentence "means" would require a book, not a blog post, so I'll leave it at that.
The point being, that this blog has served its original purpose, and I'm sortof pondering what to do with it. What direction-- if any-- to take it. Don't get me wrong, I still love writing. And I like to ponder the imponderables of the Universe, in writing. But where doing so was once something I pursued with almost religious fervor, now.... not so much.
And I guess that's partially what I mean when I feel like time has "run away." And "other things" are more important, these days.
It amuses (and saddens) me-- about our society, in general-- how we all live in the ostensible "Pursuit of Happiness," while often keeping ourselves in a state of helplessness. People strive to be whole, better, functional, successful, content, at peace, and whatever. Yet the vast majority of communication and "societal chatter" is about what's wrong, and who sucks, and UNhappiness, and strife, and anger, and arguments. On one hand, we aspire to be (and be like) Happy People, but the moment someone admits that their life actually is frakking brilliant and, yes, they are HAPPY, we start tearing them down and saying things like "You're just delusional, living in a fantasy world, life IS NOT LIKE THAT!"
The popular saying is "misery loves company." Where's the parallel quote about happiness?
One of the things that always strikes me about happiness... and perhaps also hints at why people more readily "tear down," than "build up," is that happiness requires a sort of personal accountability. Happiness is something you have to dream up, define, create and then "own." It's internal. YOU create it. It comes from YOU. Nobody "gives it" to you. And-- in some ways-- that makes happiness "scarier" than unhappiness because it demands that we be willing to expose ourselves to the buffeting winds of naysayers and the vast majority who don't want to be ultimately accountable for the outcomes of their lives.
UN-happiness... well, it thrives on external blame, fear, mistrust and merely pointing out what is "wrong" with other people, ideas, actions, laws, beliefs, societies. "Everyone else" gets to own your problems. You choose to blame "ridiculous qualification requirements" for getting passed over for that job, rather than accept that you partied your way through college and never completed your degree, as a result of which you simply need to be "more" than the degreed folks, to get what you want. You attribute your sad relationship history and your disillusionment with love to such "facts" as "all men (or women) are pigs," rather than accept that you're always stressed to the gills and have anger management issues... and so it IS "about YOU" and not "about THEM."
I sensed a subtle shift in the background energy of the world, late in the evening of Tuesday, November 4th, 2008. Generalizations are, of course, dangerous-- which is why I chose the word "subtle."
When we set aside all the "historic factors" of the election, and all the obviously visible paradigm shifts, beneath it was this subtle shift towards "hope and idealism," and away from "mistrust and control." I'm not sure it had anything to do with government, and who is going to be the President of the United States. I believe it had to do with choosing the possibility of happiness-- as a global community, rather than resigning ourselves to the status quo of "everything is always going to be fucked up."
Perhaps my perspective is skewed by the large number of commentaries, articles and blogs I have heard/read over this past week-- written by African Americans (and other minorities, as well)-- around the essence that "one of OURS is President of the most powerful nation on earth, and it just became a LOT harder to assign external blame to our discontent-- WE must be the example, and be more accountable for our lives and happiness, now."
But...
Whereas this sentiment may run strongest within the African-American community... isn't the underlying message really to all of us? We create our realities-- nobody comes and serves it up to us, on a silver platter... or if they DO, don't we have the choice to say "No, I don't think that's mine. I'd rather have something else?"
I believe we do.
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| A body (not) in motion...One of the things I like about blogging and the Internet: They consume time.
One of the things I DISlike about blogging and the Internet: They consume time.
Point? Part of my reason for periodically dropping all attempts to update here have little to do with being bored with writing, nor with not having a good time... and everything to do with simply not having the time or bandwidth to give it.
Perhaps it's an oxymoron that I'm here writing, even while I am frantically busy. So shoot me. Maybe it's just tuna salad that puts me in such a contrarian mood....
Different people are motivated by different things, and different people have different "natural states."
Some people are "bodies in motion." Even if there is absolutely nothing to do, they will make something to do, so they don't have to sit still. They always have lives that are filled to overflowing with an endless cornucopia of events and happenings they must tend to. When I am around them, their psychic energy always feels like that of a hummingbird; flighty, flitting, unfocused, always moving, never at rest. Not calling them "wrong," just saying that it exhausts me.
I am-- by nature-- a "stationary object." All other things being equal, I will sit still and watch paint dry. Or I will sit on a rock and watch waves break. I have no natural inclination to actively "do" things... maybe with the exception of things like making out, discussing the deeper meaning of life and the Universe, or cooking a really good steak for dinner. On the whole, I am very skilled at taking the lowest and easiest route over the fence, as far as everything else goes.
When something "critical" happens in my sad little whirled, I find myself with no choice but to get up off my duff and deal with things. And when I do change states and become a "body in motion" I am more or less like an avalanche.
Some might say that I have a "high moment of inertia." It takes a lot to get me to move, but once I am moving, it takes a lot to stop me, again. I have a life history of coming face-to-face with situations I have had to address head-on, and I have typically done so with a fervor and intensity that has left everyone around me in the dust, including even the most frenetic, perpetually on-the-go Energizer Bunnies I know. Those who formerly criticized me as a stationary object suddenly lie on the ground in exhaustion, begging me to explain how I can work for 19 hours straight, without even a three-minute break to pee. I have actually been called "not human" a couple of times. I'm not kidding.
My entire motivation is to deal with "whatever" it is I am facing, in as short order as possible, to I can return to a state of peace.
But I am sortof digressing, here.
It's much easier (and preferable, as a pastime) for me to spend 6-8 hours a day creatively fucking off by typing a bit and reading other people's musings, than it is for me to deal with the normal stuff of life. Even though I have possibly the most wonderful and flexible work life imaginable, I'd just as well not work. A lot of folks-- over a great many years-- have told me "Oh, you'd get bored with doing nothing, in short order."
Nope.
Not in the slightest.
The more guru-esque and ethereal ones say "You just haven't found what you're meant to do, yet."
::: sigh :::
My typical response goes something like "Sorry, guru-dude, you're wrong. I just haven't found a way to get paid for what I am meant to do. Which is 'as little as possible.'"
At the moment, I find myself in "one of those periods," where life demands of me that I remain "frantic," so I can arrive at another period of sitting still. I'm working towards going to this HSP retreat in upstate New York in about a month, and the following weekend I'm heading down to check out another event that's directly tied to part of my creative slackerhood... and something else of great importance, too. I "put up with" being frantically busy so I can afford to go do these things. But these periods of working hard are never anything beyond something "I put up with."
Funnily enough, one of the areas of my life I have long put "a great deal of effort into" is the very process of how to minimize having to put "a great deal of effort" into ANYthing. I love the idea of "Voluntary Simplicity:"
"We can describe voluntary simplicity as a manner of living that is
outwardly more simple and inwardly more rich, a way of being in which
our most authentic and alive self is brought into direct and conscious
contact with living."
--Duane Elgin
I've had people tell me "Oh, you're just saying that because you're poor!" Actually... I totally disagree. This was a choice I started embracing when I had a six-figure income and all the trappings of success... and determined that wasn't the life I wanted, so I reinvented myself and voluntarily took a 70+% pay cut in the process. Now, if people were instead saying "Oh, you're just saying that because you're LAZY!" they'd be closer to the mark... at least in the sense that I evidently almost completely lack the "Protestant Work Ethic" that drives this country.
That has almost always been true. When faced with questions such as "Don't you want to ACHEIVE something?" I almost inevitably list a host of intangibles like "live peacefully," and "have love in my life," and "have easy access to nature," and "live close to the beach," and "have nice friends." And it hasn't been for a lack of trying... but I have just never been able to think in terms of creating "tangible monuments" to make statements about my life. I have tried really hard to "feel" differently because I'm wearing a $600 suit, rather than second hand stuff from Goodwill. I have tried really hard to "feel" differently, driving a late model luxury car, as opposed to my old wrecks held together with chewing gum and tape. I have tried really hard to "feel" differently because I lived in a large house in the "right" part of town, vs. in a modest rental.
In some ways, what I have "felt" is actually disappointment, with the former... one layer of disappointment at the fact that I felt nothing, but had to work 10 times as hard to get those things. And what's the freakin' point of that??? A second layer of disappointment at the fact that "outerwear" bearing no relation to my essence as a human being somehow earned me "special" and "preferential" treatment. That's just plain sad.
I've sort of gone in a circle, here. I guess the end point here is that I am in Energizer Bunny mode, at the moment... but in pursuit of "intangibles," such as the value of the human connections that go with that retreat I'm both helping organize and later will be a part of. And then again, more human connections, relating to the subsequent festival. Both are simply about "being there," and "being part of something."
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| Do we "choose" who and what we are?I believe we all have the capacity to create our own reality.
Whether you believe I am full of shyghte, or you subscribe to the same ideas as I, or you believe I am right but your way looks "different," I have seen a lot of evidence that our intent (overt or covert) drives our lives. When we fully "intend" to bring precisely what we want into our lives... it somehow seems to happen. Likewise, when we fully believe we are "helpless" and that nothing will turn out for us... then it typically happens that nothing turns out.
In a way, we do "choose" Who We Are, just as we tend to attract who or what we believe we are. Connecting the dots is not always easy, however. But... we nearly always can. When you look in the mirror every morning and declare (even if subconsciously) "I hate the way I look," there's a really good chance you'll suddenly find yourself five years into a relationship with someone who-- oh, surprise-- is frequently critical of your appearance. Similarly, if we convince ourselves that we "can never have a fulfilling job," it will most likely be true.
Thoughts become things.
Belief is a powerful thing. We tend to move towards our beliefs, no matter whether we're consciously "trying," or not. The deeper implication is that manifesting what we want-- love, money, success, inner peace, friendships, relationships, contentment-- is more often about examining thoughts, patterns and habits, than it is about sitting down and "making a list" of what we want. One of the primary reasons "affirmations" seldom work is that it doesn't matter whether we say "I'm going to sign three new clients today!" 45 times if we don't actually believe in it.
It's always interesting to watch the "outward" signs of belief and words not matching. An easy place to witness it is to watch politicians on TV. Look for someone who's making an "agreeing statement" while at the same time shaking their head side to side, in "disagreement." It's a sure "tell" they aren't actually "behind" the statement they are making... they may think they are, but their "higher self" (for lack of a better phrase) doesn't agree.
So how did I "get" here, anyway?
Well, this year-- for me-- has been largely about embracing the concept of truly being "a responsible adult." I won't go into great depth about what that means to me-- I've written about it, in the past. Point, though, is that I have also been trying to persuade myself that I "like" being a responsible adult, because it makes me "better off in life," and more capable of dealing with things and handling life's disasters, when they come up. But the bottom line-- as I "feel it in my bones"-- is that I don't like being a "responsible adult." I do not like the person I become when I "take life seriously." I don't like the way prioritizing things like "work" and "paying bills" and "getting things done on time" turns me into someone who just doesn't have time/bandwidth for the people and things that really matter to me.
You may be thinking "boo-hoo-hoo, welcome to the real world." Indeed, maybe that is how 95% of the world experiences life. However, I'm idealistic/narcissistic enough to believe that I don't have to be part of that 95%, I can be part of the 5%. Or maybe it's 1%. And I get very stubborn about it.
I choose not to be part of the 95%.
Which brings me face-to-face with one of the "constants" of my life: I simply don't care what "everyone else" thinks, and I don't care whether "conventional wisdom" believes that I am "delusional." And I suppose the bit of "put THAT in your pipe and smoke it" information I take away from these ramblings is an explanation for why-- beyond a very superficial level-- I eventually get along with so few people.
Back to the drawing board....
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| Sorting out Life and WisdomDoes anyone ever really get "it" figured out?
Sure, we have gurus who sit on their mountain tops in their diapers, dispensing "wisdom" about life and the Universe, but do they really have everything figured out? One of my Teachers once told me about his own Teacher's Teacher... and how he was a man of great enlightenment and an evolved spirit... yet he could not survive daily life without a group of followers from his inner circle bringing him food and clean clothes and feeding him. And not because he was ill and weak, but because he was so far dissociated from the practicalities of daily life that he would most likely have died, without "handlers" to tend to his needs.
Did he have "it" figured out?
Is that what "enlightened" looks like?
A cynical part of me thinks that he was certainly "clever" enough to become a person of wisdom, very specifically including the "wisdom" of how to "farm out" getting his basic needs taken care of, by others.
I'm no guru, of course. However, as an observer of people and their personal spiritual evolution, I find that I have far more respect for the "guru" who plunges his/her own toilet in the morning, and then philosophizes about the meaning of the the Universe in the afternoon. S/he may have cosmic wisdom, but can also be found down at the grocery saying "The brussels sprouts look good, today!" I'm not even sure if "respect" is the right word. Maybe it's just a matter of relating... and I find that I relate best to someone who is both "OF the world" and "IN the world," at the same time.
When I pause to ponder, I also realize that my own perception (and associated filtering) of ostensible "greatness" is perhaps tainted by having grown up in Denmark, in the shadow of the "Jante Law" (a sort of Scandinavian variation of the "tall poppy syndrome") which-- however impractical in "real" terms-- runs as a pervasive cultural/sociological subtext through the core values of Scandinavian culture. You can read up on that on your own-- the relevance for me is an innate suspicion of anyone claiming to be "better" than anyone else... especially if the "saying" of better is not matched by a practical "demonstration" of better.
"Figuring it out" is an interesting "beast," for me. As an observer of the human condition, it at least feels infinitely preferable to wandering through life in a state of oblivion. Perhaps people "in oblivion" have a simple way to live, but I have seen very few signs that the absence of self-awareness leads anyone to contentment... and the "collateral damage" (from addictive behaviors to violence and abuse) of ignorance strikes me as far more unpleasant than the potential existential depression that might result from excessive navel-gazing.
The fun thing about "figgering" is that what you come up with as a "feeling of rightness" will-- in all likelihood-- be completely different from what I come up with. And out of that (at least for me) rises the quest to find those elusive "other members of my tribe."
And sometimes you get lucky, and find a perfect overlap between two "feelings of rightness...."
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