October 8, 2005
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All-righty, then.
So sometimes I end up wondering about shyghte that probably doesn’t even merit wondering about. But here’s the thing I was wondering about, earlier today.
In most households where there’s “a relationship,” you usually have one, or the other, or both persons tramping off to work every day. And, in most cases, that means you’re spending at least 9 hours a day working, talking around the water cooler, or eating lunch, or wasting time moaning and groaning about your boss. So call it 10 hours a day.
That’s 10 hours a day you’re NOT spending with your S.O. Which assumes (if you’re in a two-earner situation) that you have identical work schedules. Fairly typical situation, yes?
Given the above, and assuming you sleep eight hours every night, you’re spending 6 hours a day with your S.O., and 10 hours a day not-with your S.O.
But what if you’re in a situation where one partner doesn’t work, and the other works at home? Or you work together, in a business– both of which were the case with my former marriage. Essentially, you’re spending all your time together, in one form or another.
Applying a type of “New Math” to the first couple spending six waking hours per day together, vs. the second couple spending 16 hours per day together, does it follow that the second couple, when married for 10 years feel like they have been married for 27 years, since they will– in effect– have spent as many hours together in 10 years as the first couple would in 27? By the same formula, my 13+ year marriage would have had an equivalent “togetherness value” of 35 years. And in some ways, it felt like that.
Joking aside, I do wonder if it takes a completely different set of personalities, or a deeper level of compatibility and/or “in love,” for relationships to “make it” if the two partners are together all the time. I can think of more than a few people I have known in relationships where I thought to myself “they’d be divorced in five seconds, if they didn’t spend 90% of their time apart.” Is a relationhip that “survives” because the partners spend most of their time apart as “valid” as one where they spend all their time together? Or is that apples vs. oranges?
As I said, I end up wondering about shyghte that probably doesn’t merit wondering about.
Meanwhile, a friend of mine in Portland, OR sold her house just nine days after putting it on the market. For the full asking price. Here in my neighborhood, houses seem to sit on the market for 80-100 days before selling, and then at a substantial reduction. And this is ostensibly a booming sunbelt city.
One of these years, I’ll have a better relationship with real estate.
That, or I’ll just rent for the rest of my life.
Comments (8)
It’s important to nurture time together, just as it’s essential to nurture time alone. However, I know a couple in Cambria, who ran a restaurant. They were together for what appeared to be 24/7.
I’ve never seen such a wonderful relationship. When they became tired of running the restaurant, they sold it. Then they opened an antique shop. They’re still together 24/7. Their arguments consisted of “movie lines” and very strange threats, ususally involving food.
Weird-o’s.
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Renting is a little sad. But I’ve never owned my own home, so I have nothing to compare it to. I do know that I feel like I’m tossing my money into someone else’s equity pocket.
Having been one of those 24/7 couples, I can say that my marriage was about the same as it is now. We just get more done than before because we don’t have the luxury of time. i think it was good for us to spend the earliest years of our marriage together like that. It really changed how I thought of him.
My familiar and I had some months when we were together 24/7. Our relationship is the same now that he’s gone 9 hours a day for work. I do think it takes specific personalities to get along when together all the time though. I know other couples that fight constantly and get along best when they’re only spending a few hours a day with each other. Honestly, I don’t know if it makes one relationship better than another… It is isn’t something that one can analyze objectively. For each person it is different.
I don’t see anything wrong with renting.
My SO and I met on the job. I suppose it’s possible that some couples who shouldn’t really be together make it, but wouldn’t be if their compatibility was tested by such togetherness. But my husband and I are connected throughout the day via phone and email. Sometimes is more than others–the email dialog is almost like chat! But then there are days we hardly talk at all–even at home, we’ve had stretches where I felt like I hadn’t “seen” him in days! I kid about learning to live together without his traveling, but I am excited about our “new” lifestyle. I was ready to throw in the towel on home ownership and rent a condo, when he decided to change jobs and quit traveling. It’s funny, he loved the work he did, but just hated the travel. But I digress. As usual!
Good luck on the house. You must be ready to move on; I would be impatient to go!
yes.
sail on… sail on!!!
is this the move you’ve been talking about several posts before or is this a new move? ^_^
I wouldn’t be able to work with a SO because I couldn’t spend that much time with anyone not even someone I was madly in love with.
I have no issues with renting….means I’m not tied to anything….too much time together as a couple is a BAD thingy!! *G* ’til the next