April 25, 2007
-
Life Classes Where I Was Absent, Part I
OK, so I am aware (in part, because the majority of the people who read these words are female) that I may be poking at a hornet’s nest with a really short stick, but there’s something that has always puzzled me. It has come back to puzzle me again, recently– although the particular triggering incident now escapes me.
Why is it that so many women (and maybe men do the same thing, and I am just not aware of it) who quite openly profess a dislike of, and/or repulsion towards sex will go to great lengths to look sexY and put effort into looking “hot?” On the way out the door, they’ll ask “Do I look hot?” but the first man (or woman, for that matter) who comments on their appearance will get the “look of death” and possibly get bitchslapped five days into next month.
My friend Diana once “explained” it with a metaphor, thusly: “If the guy who comments happens to be George Clooney, I’ll bat my eyelashes at him and say ‘thank you.’ If it’s anyone else, I’ll snarl at them.”
From my “ignorant male” standpoint, that strikes me as akin to going fishing all the time, even though you hate fish. Or advertising a big sale at your store, and then being closed when the customers show up. Or, more specifically, telling them “just because I HAVE a great store doesn’t mean I want to SELL anything in it.”
Oh, now I remember.
The “triggering incident” was someone wearing a rather revealing pair of warm-up pants with the word “juicy” across her butt– who got very offended that someone looked at her ass. I realize it’s not quite the same as my original question, but it seems to be from the same “family.”
Now, I realize that not everyone has stellar mental health, as a result of which some people engage in obviously toxic and insecure behavior patterns… but my above puzzlement comes from observing things that fairly obviously transcend a recreational personality disorder. At least in my world.
From where I am sitting, it looks like an irrational suspension of the believe that “Action A” is in anyway connected with “Outcome B.” Whether it’s out of sheer ignorance of the action -> consequence relationship, or a conscious manipulation (like poking at someone till they explode in anger, and then berating them for having a bad temper), I am not wise to.
What am I missing, here?
Let the flames fly! Or– at least– tell me something that makes sense…
Comments (15)
Well stated and as a married female for 27 years and the mother of three daughter’s, I don’t have a decent answer for you. It might just boil down to those females need to feel like they are in control over a male and this is one way to show it. Such teases!
HI PETER!!!
My friends, who are very INTO fashion, say it’s a fashion thing….not a ‘look sexy, come get me’ statement. One of these friends does NOT like sex, but she does like to have fun flirting. Then there are people who are waiting to explode sexually but look rather conservative. I guess you can’t go by looks.
fyi…juicy is a brand name….I believe it’s what the teens/young women like.
Oh, I hate that act too. They dress sexy and then get mad for people looking at them, thinking they are sexy. But only certain people, of course! *snorts* I’m a woman but I don’t understand women. I certainly would not draw any attention to my butt unless I’d want people to look at it… which I don’t! It’s a self esteem thing, definitely. They fish for the right compliment given by the right person at the right time. Rarely do they find it.
its cuz we’re all messed up about sex. me included.
Dear Peter,
Last week I promised myself that I was going to visit everyone I have listed on my sub list and leave a comment. This was supposed to take a weekend, but even after writing 12-15 comments a day Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and spilling over into the early part of the week, I am still not “finished”. I see you have only sporadically blogged recently, and I just saw your profile shoot to the top of my sub list so I figured this was a good time to visit.
(To be frank, I was heavily promoting my latest “internet movie” when I made the promise to visit everyone to whom I subscribe, and the movie is now not my “top” entry on the blog, but if you get a chance, I’d appreciate your comments.
First, I’ll comment on your March 28th entry, since I just read it.
I think a lot of people get immersed in the “Xanga experience” at first. The more one comments, the more one gets comments, and everyone likes to be noticed. People make online friends, as you’ve pointed out, and seem to think that they’ve “gotten to know” these folks, when in reality, all they know is what someone wants them to know. I’ve noticed the more that one has to spend on Xanga, the less one probably spends “in the real world”. The more “popular” on is in the blogging universe, the more time one by necessity spends online.
I agree that people should never “expect” anything in life. The sooner you put up expectations, the more you are apt to take a fall, when those expectations fail. With no expectations, you can be pleasantly surprised when things go your way.
Houses in California (especially on the coast) are quite expensive. I know firsthand, since I live here. Divorce is probably even harder than marriage.
I thought it was interesting that when I first got online, I got involved with a website called classmates.com. You have to pay for the service now, of course, like everything else on the internet, but back in the late 90s it was free, and I “hooked up” with a lot of old buds and gals from high school. After the initial reconnection, and recounting of what had happened in the 30 or so years that had passed, since high school, most of those connections faded. Pretty much because we DIDN”T have anything in common.The only thing we had in common back in the late 60s was that we attended the same high school.
I think your observation about love is spot on. A lot of potentially mismatched parnters are in love with each other, and sometimes the glue sticks, and then again….
Current Entry:
I always consider myself a “gentleman” but I was hit by the political correct paddle a few years ago when I complimented a woman at work on her outfit and was nearly berated for “sexual harrassment.” If “juicy” doesn’t want comments,then she shouldn’t wear words on her a**, I would surmise.
I think people who “look good” or “better than average” are perhaps more cognizant of their appearance than shlubs like me. Women have been “programmed” by society (American society anyway, in Muslim countries they hide their appearance) to look their best, so sometimes “sexy” isn’t really the “look” for which they are going, although “sex appeal” is a solid part of our culture.
I’ve had a nice visit.
Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
It’s fashion…….and no, I don’t understand.
I think it’s crazy too. I’ve been off the market for some time and I try not to dress in an overly sexy way. I don’t wear makeup and I usually wear baggy overshirts to avoid some of the comments and stares. I do feel, though, that I have to make an effort to look UNsexy to avoid all the comments etc. I don’t get mad when it happens, though – unless the staring guy does things that slow me down – like driving REAL slow by me and staring when I just want to cross the street…
I don’t understand women like that myself. When you have “juicy” written across your ass, you’re begging to have everyone and anyone look at your backside–this includes the dirty, 70-year old man who leers at everything under the sun along with the 18 year old stud who spends 17 hours a day in the gym. You can’t pick and choose who LOOKS at you, but sometimes I swear women (moreso than men,) think the world works in this fashion.
I too am in the puzzled group.
There are two points I want to make… 1st is that no matter how good someone looks s/he is not asking for unwanted sexual advances… meaning to the extreme degree, no matter how good I look i don’t deserve to be raped. I know that wasn’t the example, but that line of thought could be taken that far. 2nd is that, personally, I want to look good, but I do expect others to have respect and tact when complimenting me. Anything less than that is considered derrogatory and will get “the look”. Believe me, a lot of men are just plain rauncy. I can generally tell the difference between a could-be-construed as rude comment that came with the best of intentions and someone who just plain needs to grow up. I don’t think people wearing words across their butts and others simply reading it, should get all huffy-puffy about those who are doing the reading. That’s common sense.
And looking good really is not tied in directly with sex. It’s a self-esteem thing, not an invitation for sex.
Point one: Looking “good” does not necessarily equate with looking “hot”.
Point two: Women are taught in this culture, almost from birth, that a) their primary goal in life is to “catch” a man (preferably a “good” man, but usually it’s “almost any man will do”, b) that the only way to “catch” a man is with sex, i.e., to sell her body in return for money, room and board, food, money, a nice house, a fancy car, money, clothes, money…get my drift?…and c) even given both a and b, she’s still a whore if she does so — in other words, nice girls don’t. That’s a pretty hard double standard to deal with.
Point three: The addition of “women’s lib” (I’m sorry, I don’t know what else to call it) has created a horrific bind. We’re taught (even today) to be sex objects but we’re also punished and ridiculed by our peers if we are perceived as behaving or looking like one.
Women today, after ten years in the workforce, earn only 65% of what a man with comparable experience earns, despite all the so-called advances women have supposedly made in the last 40 years. The majority of the poor in this country are single women and children. The number one cause of death and injury in this country is NOT cancer or heart disease; it’s domestic violence.
I understand where your question comes from. I am confronted almost daily by the same thing and I hate it. At the same time, being female, I understand where the conflict comes from. There is too much to go into here, but what it boils down to is that most of those women who are sporting the “Look At Me” looks ARE trying to get the sexual attention (which for way too many of them equates with “love”), but only from the men who are deemed appropriate: the good catches. No others need apply. It’s frustrating, it’s ugly, it’s sad — but that’s the way it is.
There are actually women who have a dislike of sex??? Where? I don’t know any of them
.
Seriously, I think a lot of women dress “sexy” to feel good about themselves as opposed to advertising what’s available. It’s more akin to somebody making their garden attractive… it doesn’t mean they want people to pick the flowers.
I had to come back by. While I was at the post office, there was a guy in baggy jeans with something written in polka-dotted loopy print on the seat of his pants. I tried and tried to make out what it said, but it drooped between his legs and the folds of the baggy jeans didn’t help any either. I guess I was staring lol.
oh..you have long winded readers…I should fit right in…
…
However, the short of it… imho… culture norms encourage women to dress sexy even if they are not comfortable with it… plus we are just plain hormonal most of the time… so “whatever”
I’m with light & fluffy on this one.
It’s not actually an aversity (is there such a word?) to sex. I think women who dress up so fashionably are just hoping to target only “specific” men that they like. And since men would tend to look anyway, the woman has the “privilege” therefore to reject that said man.
Hahaha…am I making sense? I didn’t…^^;;;