April 26, 2007
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The Nonsense of Common Sense
People so often talk about “Common Sense,” but the more I think about it, there’s nothing common about having sense. After all, if you think about it, every single person walking around out there has their own personalized spin on “what works” in the world… as a result of which, sense that is “common” pretty much boils down to such things as recognizing that it’s a bad idea to put your hand on a hot stove, or using the crapper rather than the floor when you need to… well, you know.
The rest of it? It’s very subjective. Think about all the times someone has told you that something is “common sense,” and what they said made absolutely no sense to you, in your situation at that moment. Maybe it makes sense to the speaker, but that doesn’t make it “common.”
In not-at-all-related news, next month marks my 10th anniversary as a member of the blogosphere. No, not here, silly… there were no such things as blog portals in 1997. However, it was the year I created a long-defunct site called “Shades of Gray,” which was made up of a series of journal-like pages I added to, a couple of times a week, or so. As much as anything, I was practicing HTML… but it also represented some kind of “shout into the void.” At the time, people who visited the site thought I was pretty insane to write anything of a personal nature on that big scary place known as “The Internet.”
It got me to thinking about the way a lot of folks back then were concerned about how people feel free to lie about themselves online. Even today, lots of folks avoid using the web for anything beyond doing business and staying in touch with family… because (they say) so many people online are “creepy,” and 29-year old women from Scotland really turn out to be 62-year old men from Alabama. ”They hide behind the anonymity,” they say.
There are a couple of things that kinda bug me here.
One is the default assumption that– if offered the chance– any Joe Average or Suzy Homemaker automatically turns into a pathological liar with fantasies of being a cross-dressing tapdancer from New York or a 14-year old slut puppy. Closely related is this notion of “all” these people who allegedly feel the need to parade around, masquerading as something they are not. The www aside, why do people feel compelled to not be themselves? I have read enough psychology to understand some purely intellectual theories about it… but on a deeper, more human level I end up at the question “Where’s the value?” What is “gained” by succeeding in selling the world a false image?
Maybe I am just incredibly naive in understanding the workings of the world (and I’ll buy that for a few cents; “my” tarot card is even “The Fool“), but I have never felt compelled to be “not-me.” Sure, as an insecure college student I sometimes wondered “what it might be like” to fabricate a set of lies to make myself out to be “more” than I really was in order to score dates with really hot women… but it was never more than idle speculation. The thought of being liked/disliked for anything other than just being “plain me” seemed somehow wrong, or even abhorrent. Today it just seems stupid– why would you even want to? And yet… versions of “game playing” seem to permeate every aspect of the world… from overstating our skills in job interviews to overstating our income and sexual prowess in the dating game.
Some pacifistic souls ponder “why can’t we all just get along?”
For me, the burning question is “Why can’t people just be truthful about themselves?”
Some will undoubtedly tell me that it’s a result of people living stressful lives they don’t really like– and needing something to make themselves feel better about their lot. Often, there are rationalizations, liberally peppered with variations of the phrase “but I can’t” or “I can’t help it.” Maybe I have an overly simplistic view of things– but if you don’t like your life, change it.
Or, as George Bernard Shaw once wrote: “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.”
Seems like “common sense” to me….
Comments (13)
True…common sense is not so common…
Great quote from ol’ Georgie… I will definitely ponder over that one… Thanks.
Hi, there. Your post popped up on my sub list for the first time in a long time! Nice to read your post.
I think that, while some people may misrepresent themselves online, there is another group of people who perhaps feel more free to represent themselves as they really are, online. I think there is less of a feeling of being judged and people are more accepting (at least I find that to be the case with Xanga).
Kathi
I enjoyed reading this…very well-written. Thanks for sharing.
I’m saving the planet but I’m hiding under the guise of a middle aged housewife.
I think I’m too truthful sometimes. Is that possible? And I think this type of writing allows one to play out different aspects of themselves…..that is, if they know the different aspects of themselves.
Maybe some people are untrue because they just don’t know who they are, and/or don’t feel anyone will like them if someone really knew who they truly are. I know a couple of people in ’meatspace’ that can’t tell the truth and who’s entire day is spent being someone they’re not. It’s actually sad.
I’m with you though….it’s the people who are being honest that I want to share space with.
Glad to see you back. I have missed you. Being authentic is very important to me. I made a vow to myself I would do that several years ago and I do it to the extent that I am not lying to myself and don’t know it. Judi
ryc… thanks for the birthday wishes!! *hugs*
RYC: i agree with you. and that is why i laughed at my own desire to claim that no one was going to force me to change… I change without recognizing it all the time. I love the irony within myself.
RYC: Oh and as for “need” to work… I did not make smart financial decisions in my past and now I am paying for it. So yeah i guess the $200 sneaker scenario works… although I hate to admit it and it wasn’t for shoes… but i still made the poor choice non the less…
This is an excellent post………….thanks for stopping by………….and yes dust bunnies are a pain………I have 4 cats…….blessings.
I think some people have just reached the point where they’re so afraid they’re unlovable that they’ve lost all hope of being accepted for “who they are”, and then the only apparent alternative is to create a new persona. This is not limited to the internet; it happens in the “real world” all the time.
“slut puppy” ?! I want to say something like “you never cease to amaze me” but really, the synchronicities stopped amazing me long ago.
thanks for your comment
always appreciated.
are you on facebook yet?
Thanks for the thoughtful and thought provoking words.
While I’m definitely in the category of those who aren’t happy with their own current reality to the point of enjoying frequent excursions into the world of my imagination, it’s during those mind trips that I simulate and assess visions for the future. I’m a person who, despite a very boring appearing outer reality is constantly assessing and changing inside. Every major challenge in my life has been met with inner strength that was mustered first by assessing and rejecting visions and finally adopting a vision that seemed optimal. In the past, in every case, this has allowed me to adapt and change, admittedly slowly at times over a number of years, into a new – or at least slightly modified – version of “me.”
I sometimes find my reality unpleasant to discuss, fearing that it will interfere with this process as I gain insight and encouragement from others, admittedly a symptom of insecurity with myself I suppose. But even this momentary withholding of information feels uncomfortable beyond a point and I always strive to fill-in the details when it seems appropriate – which for me is sometimes a challenge to determine. But with my imperfect judgement, I strive to find a balance between naive, self-centered disclosure of “all I know about myself at the present time” and total silence regarding my “current circmstances” to arrive at the point where, within the context of the communications medium in question, my reality is disclosed accurately and tactfully if not initially in its entirety. So while I’m feeling slightly reprimanded by your admonotion to truth, I’m at once comforted by those very same feelings knowing that my intent – if not every overt action – complies with the spirit of truth and serves to verify the level of integrity to which I continue to strive.
Thanks again for freely sharing your observations and wisdom with us.
This was a great post, you make so many good points. I have tried pretending to be someone different online before, but I’ve found it requires way too much effort and is not at all satisfying. Thanks very much for commenting!