September 4, 2006
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I realized that I am actually one of the reasons I enjoy shopping at Goodwill and other thrift stores. Why would anyone every buy anything new? Over the past 3-4 days, I have hauled at least two dozen boxes of clothing, books, housewares and other stuff to Goodwill… not just “junk,” but good, workable, functional stuff. The craigslist “free stuff” area has also been a good place to get rid of certain larger items. Freecycle is a good place to do that, as well.
Today was one of those days I had not been looking forward to. I have had multiple mini-storage spaces here, each representing different “closed chapters” of my life. This was the day I went to deal with the almost-closed chapter that represents a retail store I once owned, in another life. A substantial mess greeted me… things that had been put away, starting back in 1998… and only partially been sorted out. This 10×30′ space used to be jammed to the rafters, but most of what remains is either trash, records kept to satisfy the IRS 7-year statute of limitations, some fairly useful bookshelves, some fossilized computer equipment and some fixtures waiting to be sold.
Some places are scary, even though the prospect of dealing with them is far more daunting than the reality. Like this house represented a link to lifestyle that’s no longer mine, the stuff in the storage space represents the underlying “engine” or “circumstance” that once drove that lifestyle. Whereas there certainly is some “physical evidence” to process, distribute and throw away, the “ghosts” in that space are much larger.
Today, the final banishment process began.
I have had many ghosts in my life. By ghosts (and I imagine most of you recognize this), I mean things, ideas, people, routines that are part of the past, rather than the present… yet they seem to linger on, and the task of cleaning them up feels scary. Somehow, there’s an uncomfortable psychological subtext that they will– somehow– be able to reach out from the past and exert their negative influences on my present, should I choose to do something that’s “not pleasing to their reality.” In this case, namely, finally banishing them from my existence.
I wonder why we hang onto old “stuff,” especially when that old stuff has only unpleasant associations?
Comments (13)
When I left Austin last year, I did some serious de-pack-ratting. At first, it was hard. But the more I got rid of things, the more liberating it was. I don’t ever want to be defined by my stuff again.
I love goodwill hunting, I mean, shopping.
Funny, I was just thinking, walking down the stairs to log on to the computer, how sometimes I purge to my detriment. I’ve been searching for days–in fact, I tore up my entire upstairs–looking for a photo I took of my oldest son when he was three. Yet I dimly recall tossing it, wanting to toss the bad memory of when we first realized he was autistic. Now I’m sad; I’m pretty sure it’s gone. That’s not the first time I have done that. At the time, when I toss it, I have no doubt I want it gone, the associations, all of it. Later, I wonder how I could have ever been in that frame of mind? For the most part, I am all for purging.
When you feel those feelings creep in during this process, tell those memories and those ghosts from the past, that they don’t belong here anymore, and they need to go….you have moved on.
I stopped doing that quite a while ago hanging onto the old stuff. I give away anything I haven’t used in three months. Sometimes later I wished I had it but I can always get it again because not often that I miss anything. I realized the other day I wanted to bake bread and no longer had my bread pans went to Goodwill and bought two. The only thing I have not dealt with is my Mothers things not clothes or anything mostly pictures. This winter when it is cold outside will scan them and fix them with photoshop and put them online for all the relatives to come and get them. At the time she died I could not deal with the pictures dealt with everything else. You are getting there it sounds like. Judi
I actually took a smoke break to think about this post.
I have a picture of myself that was taken when I was 8. On the back, my stepfather had written Fat Girl. I cannot tell you how long those words hurt me, yet I never threw away the picture. Growing up, I believed that I was fat. It was only a few years ago that I came across the picture and realized I was not at all fat…or even chubby! Looking at the words, again, I realized they were written by an alcoholic asshole who was about 26yo at the time. Seeing things with my more evolved Self, I found it was very hard to feel the same way about the picture as I had before…
I think there is a great lesson learned when we can own things that remind us of our trials and tribulations without our attaching negative feelings to them. It is the feelings, not the objects, that need to be dealt with. If an object causes us pain, it is only a reminder that we’ve still got work to do. While having something “out of sight; out of mind” can be useful when you aren’t prepared to deal, if you see it as just a physical representation of your next spiritual challenge, it kinda takes the object’s power away.
Whether or not you have negative reactions to an object is always a choice, too. That power is always yours.
I love you…GFW
I love second hand shopping….such treasures I find there.
Hey, P. Want you to know that while I’m not commenting on every post, I’m certainly reading them!! You’ve been Astounding Revelator (is that a word? it is now…) for me these past weeks, as your muse paints the word canvas. In lots of ways you and I are walking parallel paths of discovery, I think.
I’ve been sitting here mulling the notion of purging this entire house for… jeeeeez, months. You’re inspiring me to do that — because it’s not just the ‘stuff’ being cast off/away, but the ghosts and emotions attached to them. How could we possibly move forward and embrace what’s to come if we’re bogged down with what’s been? Makes sense.
As to why we hang onto that stuff? I think it’s because we’re more comfortable with what we know than what we don’t, even when we know we need to be wrested from our functional dysfunctions.
I love thrift shops! The big one around here is called Savers. They cater to the fashionable-type and carry name brands. I’ve hauled some great books out of there too.
~lisa
Those cords of attachment, my dear. CUT THE CORDS!!!!
My own personal cords showed up in a painting on Thursday….attached to a rather private area. It’s time to release them! You too. Get rid of it all so you can start clean, free, unencumbered and full of the love that you are.
On a real life level…..your day sounds terrible. Let’s hope it’s liberating. Hugs,Colleen
I can relate! However I am notorious for not keeping things for too long. Heck, I will get rid of a shirt if I feel it carries too many of the wrong memories on it. They say your space or house is a reflection of your psyche. Not just with its stuff but how its placed in the house. Currently my room is basic and a little messy… nothing like a little chaos to keep things fresh.
Im not buried in it though… 
Other times I have gone as far as to tear out journal entries that included thoughts or people I did not like. I keep the good stuff though… positive thoughts or prayers. It was funny because one day I pulled back my bed to find an assortment of cards or letters I had written to God as a means for guidence. Maybe from now on they will go in my pillowcase or some folder.
If you throw out something good just remember, nothing good is ever lost or escapes us. It finds its way back… I think thats why we hang onto the negative. Maybe we know when we pitch it, it wont be coming back… and with it were hopes that died out a long time ago. We hang onto hopes and dreams that were associated with the negative…
I say when you do too much looking back there is not enough looking forward or… appreciating the NOW. Dive in and toss away your old stuffs!
If you figure the name and /or cure of that thing that causes people to hang onto stuff forever–please let me know. I have a mom who has that disease! hehe..
I don’t know why we do that…I know I cherish things that are special, it’s hard to lose these things by accident or theft…. its a memory storer is what I think…’Til The Next
I went through a similar experience over the past few weeks. It’s not easy to banish the past.